Saturday, January 31, 2009
Amanda's Birthday Celebration
Friday, January 30, 2009
The 27th Week
Once again, thank you so much for all your prayers, your calls, your cards and some of you visited.... We will keep you posted.
A story about a Fly, a Fish, a Bear, a Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat
There is a moral to this story, so stay with it.....
In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.
The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular, 'Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.'
There was a fish in the water thinking, 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'
There was a bear on the shore thinking, 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly... And I will grab the fish!!'
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.... 'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it..that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.'
Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one river bank, but I can tell you there's more....
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly.. and that bear grabs for that fish..the dumb hunter will shoot the bearand drop his cheese sandwich.'
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular river around lunch time) 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, and that hunter shoots that bear.. and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich ... then I can have mouse for lunch.'
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.? The fish swallows the fly... The bear grabs the fish.. The hunter shoots the bear..
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...
The cat jumps for the mouse..
The mouse ducks...
The cat falls into the water and drowns.
NOW, The Moral Of The Story .... whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy's gonna be in serious danger.
California
California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically, it was just like California today; except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.... :P
Birthday Reminder...
Monica Lewinsky turns 34.
Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Always Check Your Kids Homework....
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith
Blonde Rolls Back The Odometer
She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
"235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem.
But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted.
So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000.
Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles.
The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Google tries out offline Gmail feature
(CNET) -- Significantly increasing the utility and competitiveness of its Web-based e-mail service, Google is enabling an experimental ability to read, write, and search Gmail messages even while not connected to the network.
Google wants to allow users to access its Gmail service while not connected to the network.
Google believes almost religiously in cloud computing, the idea that computer applications and data live on the Internet rather than on PCs. But there are times when the network is inaccessible, and generally Web-based applications like today's Gmail effectively seize up under those circumstances.
Offline sidesteps that problem, the classic example being a busy executive traveling on a plane. And offline Gmail access begins a new chapter for Google's ambition to appeal to business customers for services such as Google Apps, of which Gmail is a component.
"This is a feature we've heard loud and clear the enterprise wants," said Todd Jackson, Gmail's product manager.
Trying to sign up business customers generally means wooing them away from the dominant e-mail products, Microsoft's Exchange server software and Outlook PC software. Google and Microsoft began in separate spheres, but are ever-closer competitive rivals, each with a strong cash-generating business that can be used to subsidize forays into other markets.
There's more, too. Google Apps customers will get another major offline option "soon," too: Google Calendar access, though not initially the ability to create new entries. If the organization's administrator enables the "New Features" option, each person within that organization will get access to the calendar, Google said.
CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL ARTICLETuesday, January 27, 2009
Home Prices Continue to Fall
By Phil Mintz
Real estate prices show no sign of bottoming out. The Standard & Poor's/Case-Shiller home price index, a closely watched indicator of home prices, reported on Jan. 27 that prices of existing single-family homes in 20 major metro areas continued their rapid descent in November, down 18.2% year-over-year. The index has declined steadily for 28 consecutive months.
Eleven of the 20 metro areas surveyed in the report showed record rates of annual decline, while 14 reported declines in excess of 10% vs. a year earlier. The 20-city composite index set a new record for price declines, down 18.2% from a year earlier, compared with October's 18.1%. The metros with the biggest year-to-year price declines were Phoenix (-32.9%), Las Vegas (-31.6%), and San Francisco (-30.8%). All 20 metro areas posted their third consecutive monthly decline.
Dallas and Denver Show Smallest Declines
The report came a day after an unexpected jump in the sales of existing homes in December, fueled largely by bargain prices for foreclosed homes in hard-hit areas of the U.S.
"The freefall in residential real estate continued through November 2008," David M. Blitzer, chairman of the index committee at S&P, said in a news release. "Since August 2006, the 10-City and 20-City composites have declined every month." (Standard & Poor's is a unit of The McGraw-Hill Companies (MHP), as is BusinessWeek.)
The metros that did best in the most recent report were Dallas and Denver, which showed modest year-over-year declines of 3.3% and 4.3%, respectively.
Goldman Sachs (GS) researchers said that after seasonal adjustment, "it appears the pace of price decline in November was similar to the pace in October: Prices were declining at around a 21% annual rate, a very rapid clip.…The incremental worsening is coincident with the overall downturn in the economy."
Mintz is news editor for BusinessWeek.com in New York.
Essential Desert Objects
The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.
The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.
Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.
The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
Blonde's Alligator Shoes
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
Sunday, January 25, 2009
My Chinese New Year Dinner
Winter Wonderland
"There has been quite a few snow storms this winter. Here are some pictures taken last weekend." - Lok
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
The Blonde Flight Attendant
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Miranda is Home from the Hospital
She went to her doctor's office for a routine visit last Friday and was admitted to the hospital immediately for observation because her blood pressure was too high. She was suppose to be in the hospital for observation for 24 hours. However, while in the hospital, they found further complications. Level of protein is too high in her urine and the platelets counts in her blood dropped to an unsafe level.
After six days of rest and treatment, the doctors finally gave her the green light to come home today. Mommy are baby are both safe and healthy at this point.
Once again, we thank you for your calls, emails and specially for those of you that visited her in the hospital. We asked that you continue to keep her in your prayers.
She is advised by her doctor to have a lot of rest and not move a muscle. During this period of recuperation, we asked that you keep her in your prayers. No visiting is requested. You are more than welcome to email her. If you want to call, you can always call me.
And Than The Fight Started.....
And then the fight started....
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And then the fight started....
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ...
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started......
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
Do the Batik Walk, Mr. Obama
With the hopes of the world apparently pinned upon his shoulders, Barrack Obama will have a lot of things on his mind in the months and years to come for certain. The news that the interrogations at Guantanamo Bay might be suspended for a period of 120 days already sends out the right signals that the man intends to deliver upon his promises, and that cannot be a bad thing for anyone for what was promised was a new America that should play a humbler, moderating role in world affairs.
But let us be somewhat circumspect and realistic in our expectations for now. While many of us would like to see the man succeed, Barrack Obama is just another American President who has – for now – served us a tantalising wish-list that as sweet as it is appealing to many.
But we have also had our share of American Presidents who spoke at length about the promotion of human rights and democracy across the world, only to have our hopes dashed on the hard rocks of realpolitik when it became painfully evident that their focus was more on the Soviet bloc and the enemies of the United States.
Jimmy Carter got the ball rolling after the Helsinki accord of 1975 when he spoke of America’s mission to rid the world of authoritarianism and despotic rule; but it was the same administration that did little to help the people of Indonesia and the Philippines as they lived under the heels of two of the most corrupt and authoritarian pro-American despots, Ferdinand Marcos and General Suharto.
So let us see whether Obama can actually deliver on what he has promised, and let us keep our fingers crossed that he will not turn into another froth-producing American leader who is long on rhetoric but pitifully short on substance.
What can Obama do to improve the image of the United States overseas? Well, for a start he can start walking. American policy makers and congressmen and uniquely short of knowledge and first-hand experience of living abroad and the impression that I have been left with after every single encounter with an American politician is how ignorant they are about the world beyond their borders.
Obama, with his colourful past and unique family history, is in a position to play a singularly unique role by being both the President of the United States and the country’s best and most recognisable ambassador. All Mr Obama has to do is buy a batik shirt (a loose-fitting one from ebay will do) and do the Mandela walk. In the wake of his release from prison Nelson Mandela was perhaps the most famous and iconic emblem of the new post-apartheid era and most certainly the most famous South African who ever lived.
Barrack Obama can do the same thing for he enjoys one thing that no American President has ever had: instant recognition and appeal worldwide. In places like Indonesia he is loved by millions who claim his victory as their own; while across Africa, Latin America, Asia and the Arab world the very fact that an African-American has become the President of the USA has given succour to millions of poor, disenfranchised subaltern minorities to aim as high as well. It is not an underestimation or exaggeration to claim that Obama may even be more popular abroad than he is in his own country, and whatever his record may be in the future, he is for now the darling of many in the developing world.
Should that batik shirt arrive in the mail and should Mr Obama decide to wear it and do the Mandela walk abroad, he must try to convince the world that an America that can elect an African-American in its quest for change can also change for the better. Decades of misrule and violent unilateralism during the dark years of Bush senior and junior has done untold damage to the image and credibility of the USA as a superpower that presents itself as benign when its former ambassadors of goodwill came in the form of B-52 bombers and cruise missiles. And no, we do not believe the rhetoric of American Presidents who talk about human rights abroad while denying the same rights to prisoners at Guantanamo Bay or even American citizens themselves.
The use and abuse of the ‘war on terror’ rhetoric by the Bush Junior administration has allowed repressive governments worldwide to summarily arrest, detain, eliminate, erase and torture countless individuals who themselves were legitimate opposition politicians, activists, academics, journalists, students and citizens. During the Bush era all these human rights abuses across Asia, Africa and the Arab world were legitimised by pro-American governments that paid lip service to Bush’s war on terror while really using the campaign as a pretext for even more repression.
You may not realise this, Mr Obama, but the Guantanamo Bay prison complex and the Patriot Act that was passed by your predecessor was even used as an excuse and legitimation for detention without trial in countries like Malaysia, Indonesia, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, and all across Africa and the Arab states. Now that you have set the example by halting the abuses that have been taking place at Guantanamo bay, can you please hop on the next flight to the countries allied to the USA and remind these dictators that the bad old days of torture and arbitrary arrests, detentions and extra-judicial killings have come to an end as well?
There is not guarantee that Obama will be able to undo the damage that has been done to America’s image thanks to the violent militaristic unilateralism of previous administrations; and not even any guarantee that he can bring about a reversal in the slide of the US economy. But if he can at least re-inject some degree of moral credibility and consistency in the ethical conduct of international politics and compel the allies of the USA to live up to the standards of ethical governance he wishes to provide to his fellow Americans, that would be good enough. So do the Mandela walk, Mr Obama, and walk the walk while talking the talk.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
A Very Very Cold Winter.....
Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied.
"It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy
Friday, January 16, 2009
New Spanish Words
1. Cheese
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence.
Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but Cheese fat.
2. Mushroom
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.
3. Shoulder
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.
4. TEXAS
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!
5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
6. July
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!
7. Rectum
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8. Juarez
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, ' Juarez your problem?'
9. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
10. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry wheelchair.
11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing
12. Bishop
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.